World Domination for Dummies.
Once we found out the truth, a whole lot of people were out of work. Wilcocks Moneybags being one of them. An entire industry collapsed before our very eyes. Countless amounts of T-shirts, hoodies, tapestries, quilts, books, and even buildings were left abandoned. While all this free stuff did solve the entire issue of abject poverty and homelessness in one fell swoop, it was a huge disappointment to 1% of the population. They were scrambling to find a way to avoid having an average income. They issued statements such as, "we deserve to be rich because we were born that way," and, "we refuse to accept only as much money as we need to survive." This only served to deepen the grave they had dug for themselves, because, after all, they did NOT have special information about the aliens, or knowledge of them. Everyone knew. Everyone was informed. No one could tie a secret to a string and hold it out like a carrot for people to chase. So they decided that the best way to regain control over the situation was to start writing self-help books for people who weren't content with the truth, and in fact preferred to live in a fantasy world where there were still new things to discover. And to their credit, there is some validity to that. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed when the scientists called a press conference and said, "Well, we know everything, guess that's it for us."
The Stairway of Kevin
In this book Wilcocks outlines a simple five step plan to developing your own cosmic argument that you can then use as a steady source of income. You don't have to read the whole book, because honestly there's no reason to spend three hundred pages discussing something that could just as easily be explained in a few paragraphs. We'll start with step number one:
K
(Know your own material.)
This one is crucial. If you're sitting in an interview and someone asks a rudimentary question like, "who are these giant barbaric female warriors that you're pretending not to overtly sexualize?" You can say, "well first of all they're not just warriors, but they're also poets, and they come from the planet Labellum. You can learn all about them in chapter two of my book were I discuss the very real nature of these beings."
Point is, if your going to make stuff up that's believable, you have to ensure that your writings are the only source of information on the subject. That way you can change the facts at will.
E
(Even if you're wrong, you're right.)
I think this is pretty self explanatory. If in the event that something from the real world completely contradicts your information, you have to be able to use verbal gymnastics to get out of the corner your backed into. Make something up like, "our sources are telling us that the Alien's reality---being non-physical---actually restructures itself when the consciousness on this planet shifts. We have a book coming out soon that will detail all of this information." That'll buy you some time, and you can use that time to write said book and morph your claims to match the expectations. If it takes longer than you expected, just stretch out the marketing campaign long enough to suit your needs. In the end you might be better off because of all the hype you've built up.
V
(Visuals are necessary, but not that important.)
If you're going to convince everyone of something that isn't real, you need photographic evidence. "But that's impossible," you might conclude. However, in the last few years we've done thousands of seminars on something very akin to Pareidolia. We realized that if you show people a blurry photograph and point to things that aren't there with complete confidence, and plant a discreet member in the audience to back you up, some of them will go along with your assessment. They won't disagree with you because they feel like they're crazy ones. If you can get people to visualize your fictional world in their own minds, then you've already won half the battle. It'll allow them to use their own imaginations to fill in the gaps, and eventually you'll have all kinds of new material to pull from that your audience unwittingly made up for you.
I
(Invent new technologies and languages.)
This one sounds more difficult than it actually is. There's no need to pull a new set of words or a unique aircraft out of thin air. You already have all of the tools you need at your disposal. You speak a certain language don't you? Just take the syllables you're already familiar with and mix them up, then place them on the page at random. They will seem genuinely foreign. But it's that hint of familiarity that will be your greatest ally. People will feel a connection to your work that they can't quite put their finger on, and this will cause them to entertain the possibility that it does indeed come from some credible source. Hollyweird has been using this technique for f--king ever, and it's worked out pretty well so far. As for the technologies, well, you have the advantage of never needing to put them into practical use. It doesn't have to be aerodynamic, it doesn't have to be stylish, and it certainly doesn't have to obey the laws of physics. Just say the operators understand things our minds can't possible comprehend, easy as that.
N
(Never Apologize.)
Let's say there are large groups of people who don't like what your saying. Maybe they're uncomfortable with the idea of invisible entities being able to know their thoughts, emotions, and activities. They don't want Zeda Ridiculous hanging out in the background while they're spending a private night in with their parter. Much less snickering when things start to heat up. They might yell, "We aren't just a romantic comedy for you stupid aliens to watch on your free time!"
The solution to this one is simple:
Put on a straight face, summon all of your courage, and say, "Hey, don't look at me, I don't make the rules."
And you're set.
So that's it. I've summed up the contents of the book.
Wilcocks' Bibliography
Current Masterpiece:
The Deception Mysteries: How to Capitalize on a Cosmic War or Invent Your Own From Scratch
Previous Works:
Aliens Aren't Green
Upcoming books:
Antarctica and the Draconian Beach Babes
Cosmic Exposure: The Reel Lives of Alien Housewives