According to The Scientists, there are—on average—100 Billion stars in a galaxy. Coincidentally, there are also approximately 100 Billion Neurons in a human brain. Neurons communicate with each other via electrical impulses sent over empty space. This empty space between Neurons is called a Synapse. Thus, if the Neurons in your brain communicate over empty space, and the sum total of this communication throughout your brain generates the personality that is you, doesn’t it stand to reason that the empty space between stars in the galaxy could be considered a synapse, and the sum total of the electrical impulse communications going on between them would generate a galactic personality?
While your subconscious is trying to figure out whether or not that’s true, why don’t you read the following words:
Picture in your mind a cone shaped building the size of the Empire State. The building has a soft red tone, and there is a glowing blue orb far above it. As you move closer to the building you see the front door. You go through the front door into a reception area. There are hallways on both sides. You take the left hall, and after walking some ways you stop by an open door.
Flint is sitting in his office twiddling his thumbs.
“Harold, can I ask you something? As a Friend?”
Harold is doing his usual, staring at a blinking red light.
“Is that not how you usually ask me things?”
Flint takes a sip of his delicious hot coffee.
“There’s a difference between a professional question and a regular question, obviously. Do you not know that?”
Harold momentarily stops writing down phrases of binary code, which is his job.
“Is that the question?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
“Harold, I’m beginning to wonder how aware you are of the subtleties in life. Should I be concerned about your job performance? Earlier today you said you were unsure whether or not the Host was unconscious, or if they were watching the sex scene in a movie. As assistant to a Photon Analyst Extraordinaire such as myself, and therefore in charge of determining what the host is seeing, shouldn’t you know the difference?”
“Technically no. Photons are still entering both visual ports. I would have to personally contact someone in the ONC to know for sure.
“Obviously yes, if the folks at the Optic Nerve Center are experiencing network connectivity problems they can’t send information to the opposing hemisphere, but that doesn’t change the fact that the photons entering the visual ports would look drastically different in either case. In the case of a movie, the voltage would be much higher, being that the photons are coming from a screen projection. In the case of unconsciousness they would be lower in voltage due to the fact that they’re passing through the closed lid of the visual port.”
“The lids don’t always close during unconsciousness.”
“Harold, did you even go to high school?”
“Yes. They must’ve had a different curriculum in your day.”
“My day? Harold, the System Wide Paradigm Shift of Year 12 took place 10 minutes ago. That’s well before either of us were in high school and absolutely nothing has changed in Science since then.”
“Well then you got an answer wrong on a test all those seconds ago.”
“Harold, all I’m trying to say is that light coming from a screen into an open visual port and light coming through a closed lid is clearly distinguishable.”
“Not if the brightness on the screen is turned down and the photon that this particular cone is picking up is reflecting off the areola of a nipple.”
Flint pauses.
“What’s a nipple?”
Harold pauses.
“Are you asking me as a friend?”
Flint’s eyes flare up with rage. Just then—right at the wrong time—the super annoying holographic face that is STAN appears.
“Flint, there’s a call for you on line 7. Mr. Dimsdale says it better not be personal.”
Flint throws an old cigarette butt at STAN and reaches for the telephone. Harold looks at Flint with both disgust and pity. He puts headphones on and goes back to work, staring at the red light. Flint presses a blinking button on the phone.
“Photon Analyst Extraordinaire Flint Rodd of Cone 243 in the Nether Region of Left speaking.”
The voice on the other end of the line comes through slightly distorted.
“Is that really the first thing you say to everyone who calls you?”
“Hello Ms. Cortex, my twice ex-wife, why are you calling me?”
“You could just say Flint Rodd speaking. If a person calls your specific office on purpose, they only need to know that it is you speaking.”
“Don’t nano-manage me.”
“Flint, what have you been doing that someone from V1 would consider erratic?”
Flint lights a cigarette.
“So, are you dating anyone?”
“Jesus mother of Christ. Will you just answer my question?”
“Is he nice, this Jesus? I swear if he’s harmed a hair on your head ill kick his ass.”
“I’m not dating Jesus Christ, Flint. How dense are you?”
“Then why did you say his name when I asked if you were dating anyone?”
“It’s an expression Flint. When something or someone is being difficult you say Jesus mother of Christ.”
“Is that an Outer World thing? I’ve never heard it.”
“Yes Flint. Jesus Christ, you know, the guy in that book the host has read throughout history.”
“You’ll have to be more specific.”
“The one who comes back to life after being used as a human sacrifice. He saves the world.”
“Not ringing any bells.”
“Seriously, who doesn’t know who Jesus Christ is? And how have we not talked about this before? He’s the Outer World equivalent of The Personification.”
“The Personification of The Narrator?”
“Yes.”
“Oh THAT guy. I didn’t know that was his name. I thought you weren’t supposed to say it. Sort of a, he-who-shall-not-be-named, type of thing.”
“Well, in terms of The Personification yes. But no one actually knows that person’s name so it’s not a problem. In the Outer World they call it the Son of God, and that son’s name is Jesus Christ. You’re not supposed to use it for no reason. Subtleties Flint, come on.”
Flint covers the speaker on the phone and sneakily checks to see whether or not Harold is eavesdropping. He’s not. Flint doesn’t worry.
“When did you become so interested in Outer World plot lines? You used to think it was all gobbledigook?”
“I still do. Doesn’t mean I don’t know things about it.”
“Why are you calling me?”
“I already asked you. What are you doing that V1 would find erratic?”
“I can’t speak for V1’s opinion but… I don’t know. All I did this weekend was take Vader, Sunny, and Holly on a tour of the Endocannabinoid System. We learned about the mysterious existence of Cannabinoid Receptors.”
“Flint, there’s nothing mysterious about them. They recept cannabinoids. That’s it.”
“Well of course, but don’t you think it’s a bit odd that we have receptors for a compound that isn’t present in the host? We aren’t even sure that it exists, much less why we have receptors for it.”
“Cannabinoids come in from the Outer World.”
“Well, they haven’t as of yet. There’s a whole system laying dormant, and that seems like a bad thing. What if someone is keeping the cannabis from us on purpose? What if all our brain-wide societal woes are a result of this dormant system? The whole brain works best in unison. Even you must agree with that.”
“Yeah, whatever, I do. Flint, are you suffering from paranoid delusions again?”
“I may be paranoid, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t hiding the cannabis from us.”
Ms. Cortex, Flint’s twice ex-wife, rubs her temples with impatience. She’s sitting in her office twirling a pen. She leans back in her chair and puts her feet up on the desk. She knew that Flint would deflect any further questions if she kept at it this way. Not because he’s clever, but because he responds best to questions that he believes are purely personal. The Man from V1 needed this information, not her, but Flint didn’t need to know that. She proceeded as such:
“Flint, have you learned anything particularly interesting lately?”
Flint perks up. He gazes lovingly at a picture of himself, his three kids, and his twice ex-wife that he keeps on the desk.
“You know, I have actually. Sunny was telling me about something he found while surfing the Brain-Wide-Web. He said that there is a place in the center of everything called The Population Control Center. He says it’s a secret facility that only a select few know about. AND, in this facility there is a special room. They say that every single person who has ever gone in this room has never come back out, and yet, the room is empty the next time you look. The call it The Empty Room of Emptiness. The ERE for short. It’s a conspiracy theory obviously, but a pretty good one don’t you think?”
“Sure it is Flint. Okay I gotta go. Bye.”
The phone call ends. Flint is both disappointed by the sudden disconnection, and confused. He looks over at Harold and lightly taps his fist on the desk in defeat.
Off in a separate part of the Brain, Ms. Cortex has just hung up the phone. She has all the information she needs.
“Thelma, get in here!”
Her secretary walks into the office.
“Yes?”
“Get the Man from V1 back in here. I need to speak with him again.”
“Right away Ms. Cortex.”
Before Thelma can even go back to her desk and make the call, a Man of blue skin in a green suit with a pink pocket square folded into three points materializes in the transfer tube at the end of the hall. He approaches.
“I’m here to see Ms. Cortex.”
Thelma is shocked. How did he know to come back, she thinks to herself. The Man from V1 mumbles something.
“Time isn’t real Thelma.”
As the Man from V1, otherwise known as Ryan Regulus, goes into Ms. Cortex’s office, Thelma is left to ponder whether or not telepathy is real.
Ms. Cortex sees Ryan entering and stands up.
“Close the door.”
“Naturally.”
“So, I talked to Flint.”
“Obviously.”
“You said you needed to know what information he had?”
“Clearly.”
“Well, along with our son Sunny, he seems to be investigating a place called The Empty Room of Emptiness. It’s supposedly located in The Population Control Center, a facility that may or may not exist at the center of everything.”
“Of course.”
“Do you know anything about it?”
“Absolutely.”
“Is it real?”
“Ms. Cortex, I’m going to need you to go visit Flint. You must help him find this Empty Room of Emptiness. Take the kids with you. It will be a nice family trip. At least that will be the premise.”
“Why do I have to do that? Ryan, can you be a little more forthcoming here? What’s the beef?”
“Okay, I’ll be Frank with you.”
“Please don’t. I hate Frank.”
“Don’t we all… Ms. Cortex, much has changed since our last meeting. V1 has decided on a plan that will work not only for us, but also for the cult your father is in.”
“The Order of The End of The Gaze?”
“Yes.”
“Everybody wins?”
“Yes again.”
“Well, what’s the plan?”
“One of our Agents spent a great deal of time combing through the e-book your father possesses. It says, word for word, that someone with a heart lighter than a feather will open the door to the void and usher in the Illuminated Man of Midnight. This man will bring a message to the brain wide collective that is of such hope, justice, and prosperity that it will stabilize all excess negative forces and restore balance to the hemispheres. Due to the timing of this event, the threat of Blindness in the host will not be eliminated, but it will be limited to one visual port. No Melancholia will take hold, and thereby no Depression.”
“How does that satisfy the Order of The End of The Gaze and appease my father’s drive to study the mathematical language of the universe?”
“It’s simple. With one blind visual port, the prophesy of Blindness set forth by The Order will be realized. Seeing as the Blindness will be in the left visual port, they will all be very satisfied with their rightness. On the other hand, everyone in the right visual port will be left to go on living as if nothing ever happened. Cortex Visual Arts can move forward under your supervision, and your father can start his Mathematical Language Decoding facility. He wishes to study the data coming into the Blind visual port. His mythology states that complex geometric patterns emerge in such an empty space.”
“Sounds good in theory. How can you be sure that it will work out that way? Seems like the whole thing hinges on this Illuminated Man of Midnight appearing out of nowhere. You’re assuming that if we find The Empty Room of Emptiness, he’ll automatically show up. But what if he doesn’t? And even if he does, how do you know his message to the Brain wide collective will be of a positive nature?”
“Because.”
“Because why?”
“Because is reason enough.”
“Well it shouldn’t be.”
Ryan looks out of the floor-to-ceiling window in Ms. Cortex’s office. He ponders.
“Ms. Cortex, on second thought, you should take Flint and the kids to see your father, their Grandpop. Neo Cortex.”
“Absolutely not.”
“You must.”
“And if I don’t?”
“None of this will work.”
“You’re certain?”
“Surely.”
Ms. Cortex stands there in defiance. Before making a decision, she runs through all the possible outcomes she can think of. She takes into account all the information she knows about the human brain. She turns it over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and…
Over.