OKAY SO…

Here’s what’s going to happen

STEP ONE:

You’ll walk in.

STEP TWO:

You’ll see games.

STEP THREE:

You’ll see more games.
You won’t know which game to play first.

STEP FOUR:

You’ll see pinball games. You haven’t played pinball in ages.

STEP FIVE:

You’ll decide to play a pinball game based on one of your least favorite bands. You’ll do this for what seems like hours, but in reality is only minutes.

STEP SIX:

You’ll be stoked that time seems to be passing so slowly. There’s still the whole afternoon left! You’ll see the shooter games off to the right. You’ll go investigate.

STEP SEVEN:

The first shooter you’ll notice is Crypts of Doge. It would appear that the game consists of shooting zombie skeleton Doge’s and earning money every time you clear a crypt. You’ll think this is dope as all heck.

STEP EIGHT:

You’ll press start and shoot Udead Shibas til’ kingdom come.

STEP NINE:

Once Crypts of Doge has practically made you a gazillionaire, you’ll decide to take a break and see what the peasants are playing over in the back corner of the room. You’ll see that it’s Whoop Johnny, a 16-bit shooter like the ones your dad used to play with his dad on the family desktop. You’ll think it looks lame at first, but then you won’t be able to help but sit down and try it…

STEP TEN:

You’ll sit down. You’ll start a new game.

STEP ELEVEN:

The game will actually be pretty fun. But it’ll be tough. You’ll be outnumbered and killed by a slew of alien witches from mars.

STEP TWELVE:

You’ll lose. You’ll be pissed because you thought there were no game overs. The advertisement outside specifically stated that it was so. You’ll give up and walk away.

STEP THIRTEEN:

Across the room you’ll see a sign for MINDCRAFT, a V.R. version of a very popular game from your youth. You’re interested. You’ll go over and start to play.

STEP FOURTEEN:

You’ll be in the game. You’ll walk up to the virtual arcade that functions as the games menu and select a map titled: CoZy MeTroPoLis. 1370 other people are in there already.

STEP FIFTEEN:

You’ll casually walk around town looking for things to do. The amount of options will be overwhelming.

STEP SIXTEEN:

You’ll decide to join a cult in there, for a sense of stability.

STEP SEVENTEEN:

You’ll feast in the halls with your cult members, but things will start to get weird, and you’ll be left wondering if orgies and human sacrifices are really your thing.

STEP EIGHTEEN:

You’ll leave the game. You’ll say it’s because you’re “out of coffee.” But your cult members won’t believe you. They’ll call you names like moron and stupid face. Your feelings will be a little hurt but you know you’re the bigger person and that you have to stay true to your Own self and your values no matter what and “your own self” feels that human sacrifices aren’t cool under any circumstances. And… You weren’t kidding you actually do need more coffee.

STEP NINETEEN:

You’ll decide to leave the arcade and head to GREENSLEEVES for that fifth cup of coffee. On your way out someone will hand you a complimentary RedRainbow GAME PERSON that everyone gets just for visiting the arcade. It comes with Whoop Johnny pre-loaded, and you’ll think thats pretty cool. And even though it takes a minute for your eyes to re-adjust to the light outside after you leave, and you think you might have a headache, and you aren’t sure if the afternoon was well spent…

STEP TWENTY:

You’ll smile, and go on living.