NAHIMMASTAY
Hello… And welcome to the NOT YOGA Luxury Spa & Meditation Center… located in the Anterior Realm of your Interior Heart Space… which is manifesting now as a relaxing oasis within the The Red Rainbow… which is a place within the matrix of Universal Eternal Light flowing through and out of your physical vessel as a Multi-Dimensional space wherein you exist in the Oneness of your being alongside all other beings…. People, places, animals, and plants, who are all expressions of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions… as you too are an expression of the fullness of theirs… rendering each a fractalized facet of a single lonely individual who has stirred up a cloud of dust in a void of nothingness that isn’t anywhere. So… Are You Relaxed?
Um…
NO? Well then let us help you with that. Here we offer a wide variety of services to assist you, and in some cases force you, to Relax. First on the list is are the Candlit Rooms of Serenity. In these rooms there is no furniture, no decorations, and no talking allowed. You may sit, or stand, the choice is yours. There are communal rooms, and individual ones, whichever suits your fancy. Once you are in the door closes and you’d never even know there was a door there in the first place. The candles light up, the incense burns, and One wall of the room opens to display whatever view you selected. You have the option of sitting in silence, or hearing an enlightening talk by any number of renown mystics as you sit in silence. You can be in there as long as you want. Don’t even worry about it. Oh! and when I say that One wall opens to reveal a view, I don’t mean a screen will display the view, I mean that for all intensive purposes, the view will exist in front of you, complete with sounds, smells, sights, and even a slight breeze. I’d explain to you how this works, but that’s The Scientist’s job, not mine.
Revivification
Next, we have the Infinity Pool of Forever. Here you may luxuriate in a private pool that seemingly goes on… you guessed it… Forever. Want a Hot tub in the Himalayas? You got it. Want a Cabo beach littered with litter? You can have that too. We have Arctic swims, pseudo-natural hot springs, the works. And thanks to the scientific research of Dr. Masaru Emoto in years past, proving that water is conscious, we’ve enlightened and enriched our water with peaceful intentions of healing and rejuvenation. Whatever infirmities you may have have will be temporarily lifted by these pools, we guarantee it. We wish the effects could be permanent, but we have yet to effectively affect that effect. For now you’ll just have to bask in the momentary alleviation of all your physical, mental, and emotional woes as you float aimlessly about with a virgin Pina Colata in your hand… Oh yeah, drinks are free. And limitless. No alcohol though, our condolences. Poisoning your brain while trying to relax is counter intuitive.
Hands on, hands off
Our third option for you is twofold. First, you go for a nice calm massage. It’s not THAT calm, it’s actually pretty jarring. It’s a foot massage, but instead of having your feet massaged, someone massages you with their feet. It’s deep tissue and truly meant to clear all your muscular tension and blockages. Speaking of blockages, after your massage you’ll don a plush robe, drink an enormous quantity of water, and be sent over to the Crystal Cove to have all 114 Chakras and 72,000 Energy channels cleared and aligned. The Crystal Cove achieves this by means that are difficult to describe. That’s another one for The Scientists, but, essentially these Crystals, combined with certain frequencies and tones, will sweep through your entire field as you sit there slightly afraid. It’s pretty terrifying, but once you leave and your on your way to the restroom to pee out all the water you drank earlier, you’ll feel far better than you ever have before.
And Finally…
The Meditation Center
Be here For now
Welcome to the place you were probably looking for in the first place… The Meditation Center. Here, Silverton McCord does One of Two things. Either he leaves you alone because you know full well how to sit in one place and think about nothing for an indefinite period of time. Or, he offers you a class on his very own meditation technique, Zero-Pointed Meditation. That may sound like a pun, and yes, yes it is.
