In conjunction with Management, our resident Horror enthusiast and terror extraordinaire Darcy has created a VR experience that is so scary, it’s almost unnecessary: Darcy’s Horse of Horrors. By the end most people wonder why they even went through it in the first place, because now their going to have to pay for years, potentially weeks, of therapy. When asked why she couldn’t have made it just a little more tame, Darcy replied, “Cuz tame rhymes with lame.” Similarly, when asked the same question, Management promptly quipped, “You can have a lame horse as a pet, but you can’t ride it.” Bottom line is, this “ride” is one of the most terrifying things we have here at The Red Rainbow. That said, let me show you how it works.
First:
What you’re going to do is sign a waver certifying that you are a legal adult of sound mind, and in the event you are no longer qualified to be described as such after this experience, The Red Rainbow is not responsible for any of that psychological damage because you asked to do this, and you knew full well what you were getting into because we warned you, multiple times.
And then…
You will be led down a dark corridor by one of our Zombie Servants. Don’t worry, the Zombies aren’t really zombies, and they aren’t really servants, they’re our employees, but… That’s their job title so we call them that. Point is, in this corridor there are cells to the left and right, and you will be brought to the farthest one available. Inside you’ll see a floating chair, which will naturally descend to the floor before you sit in it and are strapped down to it. There will be windows in these cells so that you can see the other participants in the cells on either side of you.
And then…
You will have contact lenses put into your eyes, and you will be given a highly specialized sedative. The contact lenses—for those who are unaware of the latest VR technology—produce the imagery. The sedative is essentially a sleeping pill, except the only thing it puts to sleep is your body. The rest of you will be fully immersed. As to how you will be able to control the experience, well, it will be with your brain, but this is neither the time nor the place for me to explain it.
And then…
With your contacts now on, and having taken the sedative, you will fall into a deep trance. You will feel yourself being flung through digital space and downloaded into the game.
(The following steps are
actual screenshots From the game)
And then…
You won’t remember where you are, or exactly how you got there, but you’ll be in the game, walking down a dirt road on a pristine ranch toward an etheric pasture with ambient music in the air and a beautiful horse waiting for you.
And then…
You’re gonna saddle-up and get your bearings. If you aren’t used to riding a horse, you’ll take a few spins around the pasture. If riding a horse is second nature to you, you’ll hit the road…. Or take the horse around the pasture a few times anyways because its fun.
And then…
You and your new travelling buddy will at long last… hit the road. You’re on your way to town, but since you’ve got all the time in the world, you’ll decide to take the scenic route that you’ve never used before. It will be absolutely gorgeous… at first.
And then…
You will find yourself in The Forest. You’ll be hesitant to enter. But you will. As you press on the sunlight will fade; the darkness will take its place.
And then…
You’ll find yourself on edge. The Forest will be still, save for a few cracking twigs every once in a while, and the occasional shadow in the corner of your eye. You might decide you want to turn around and go back… But every time you attempt to do so, the horse will get spooked. In fact, if you so much as look behind you, you’ll see pitch black forest, and hear a faint shriek in the wind.
And then…
You won’t know it, but this guy will be roaming the forest… Looking for you.
And then…
You’ll start seeing him in the distance. He’ll be breathing, but he won’t move. You’ll just have to keep riding while he’s behind you. At some point you’ll look back, and he won’t be there anymore.
And then…
You’ll look ahead, and there he’ll be, rushing at you with supernatural speed. You and your horse will lead an all out sprint, but he’ll always be just behind you, running as fast as your horse… sometimes on all fours… progressively gaining speed…
As the Headless Man chases you down… you’ll see Werewolves gathering, flanking either side of you… looking for the best chance to attack… I suppose now would be a good time to tell you that you have no weapons. And if they catch you, they will kill you… and eat you…
As you run from the beasts pursuing you… these tar-like leech-snakes with many heads and lightning speed… will nip at your heels… latch onto your arms… your neck… your hands…
Sickly trees will groan as you pass… They will speak, and cast spells… You’ll feel sick and your vision will blur… and they will try to grab you…
Writhing tentacles will shoot out of the ground at random…
Ghouls will rise from the waters…
Skeleton Crypts will appear out of thin friggin’ air…
Violent Statues will turn their heads and watch you ride by…
Bleeding… Delirious… Losing Fingers… Teeth… Possibly a foot, or a hand. You’ll ride on… Hoping for haven… Seeing none… Furious demented monsters will clamour and claw around you until…
Dun dun dun…
We can’t tell you what happens next…
Well, we could… but it would ruin the surprise.
And finally…
You’ll cry.
And then…
Your horse will drag your lifeless half body out of The Forest. You’ll feel the asphalt grating against your back. You’ll know you’ve made it through. But it will be too late. You’ll die.
And Then That’s It!
You’ll wake up tied to your chair. The Zombie Servants will release you. You’ll pay us the ten $DOGE you owe us, and wonder why you put yourself through that on purpose.
